You wake with your heart going and the last words of the argument still in your mouth. Fight dreams are among the most vivid people have, and among the most awkward, because the opponent is so often someone you love. The old dream books had plenty to say about fights, and a surprising amount of it was good.
| Variant | What the old books read | Source |
|---|---|---|
| An argument | Unhappiness and fierce altercations | Miller 1901 |
| With a partner | Lovers who quarrel grow fonder; a lover's unworthiness | Golden Wheel 1862; Miller 1901 |
| With family | Real disputes with that person; divisions in the family | Artemidorus; Golden Wheel 1862 |
| With a friend | A pleasant time together soon after | Golden Wheel 1862 |
| With a stranger | A new friend or acquaintance | Golden Wheel 1862 |
| A fistfight | Disgrace and losses | Artemidorus |
| Winning / losing | Honour won by courage / a right to property lost | Miller 1901 |
What does it mean to dream about fighting?
Miller's 1901 dream dictionary read fights as rivalry and money: to engage in a fight meant "unpleasant encounters with your business opponents", and lawsuits. Under "Quarrel" he was gloomier still: quarrels in dreams "portends unhappiness, and fierce altercations".
The Golden Wheel Dream-Book (1862) read the same scenes the other way round. A fight foretold, for a man of business, a successful new enterprise, and for a working man higher pay. Its quarrel entry reads entirely by contraries: a quarrel with a stranger means a new friend, with a friend a pleasant time together, and lovers who quarrel will "bill and coo harder than ever".
Artemidorus, in his Oneirocritica (2nd century; Krauss's 1881 translation), wrote as a man who had watched a lot of wrestling. He read wrestling with a relative or friend as real quarrels with that person, boxing as disgrace and losses, and, whatever the opponent, added a rule many dreamers would agree with: it is always better to win.
Who you were fighting with
These are readings from the old dream books, reported as history — no dream foretells the future.
What does it mean to dream of arguing with someone?
Raised voices, words you would never say awake. Miller's 1901 dream dictionary read quarrels in dreams as unhappiness and "fierce altercations", and for a married woman as separation or continuing disagreement. The modern reading is gentler: a dream argument is often the conversation you have been avoiding, said at last in a place where it can do no harm. Listen to what you shouted; it is often the truest line in the dream.
Was your dream different? Dreamlock reads the one you actually had →
What does it mean to dream of fighting with your partner?
The kitchen, late at night, the same argument as always or a new one entirely. The Golden Wheel Dream-Book (1862) read lovers' quarrels by contraries: those who dream of quarrels "will be apt to bill and coo harder than ever". Miller's 1901 dream dictionary was harsher: a young woman who saw her lover fighting was being shown "his unworthiness". Psychologists rarely read a dream fight as a warning about the relationship. More often it is unspoken tension, or a fear of losing someone, given a voice.
Was your dream different? Dreamlock reads the one you actually had →
What does it mean to dream of fighting with family?
A mother, a father, a brother, a sister, and an old argument that never quite ended. Artemidorus read wrestling with a blood relative as quarrels and strife with that very person, adding that if the two were already at odds, whoever won in the dream would be the stronger by day too. The Golden Wheel Dream-Book (1862), under "Acquaintance", read fighting with someone known as divisions in the dreamer's own family. In modern terms family fights in dreams are often old roles replayed: the child you were, arguing with the parent you had.
What does it mean to dream of fighting with a friend?
A friend turns on you, or you on them, over something that seems small. The Golden Wheel Dream-Book (1862) read quarrelling with a friend by contraries: "a pleasant and agreeable time" with that friend soon after. Artemidorus read wrestling with a friend, as with a relative, as real strife between the two. Here the books disagree outright. The modern reading usually hears loyalty under strain: a friendship carrying something unsaid.
What does it mean to dream of fighting with a stranger?
Someone you don't know blocks your way, and it comes to blows. The Golden Wheel Dream-Book (1862) read quarrelling with a stranger as a new friend or acquaintance on the way. Psychologists often read the stranger as a part of yourself you don't recognise: anger, ambition or fear that shows up with an unfamiliar face.
How the fight went
What does it mean to dream of a physical fight?
Fists, shoving, a scuffle on the ground. Artemidorus read boxing as bad for everyone, disgrace because the face is disfigured and losses because blood is spilled, and blood, in his system, stood for money. Only cooks and others who handle blood for a living were excepted. In modern terms a physical fight in a dream is often anger that has nowhere to go during the day, or a struggle to hold your ground somewhere.
What does it mean to dream of winning a fight?
Your opponent goes down, and you are still standing. Miller's 1901 dream dictionary read beating one's assailant as winning "honor and wealth in spite of opposition", through courage and perseverance. Artemidorus, whatever the opponent, held that it is always better to win. Psychologists hear confidence returning: a sense that you can stand up for yourself, or have just done so.
What does it mean to dream of losing a fight?
Your punches land soft as pillows, your legs won't move, you go down. Miller's 1901 dream dictionary read being defeated in a fight as losing one's right to property. The modern reading is about power rather than property: feeling unable to defend yourself, unheard in an argument, outmatched at work or at home. The weak-punch dream is one of the most common there is.
Was your dream different? Dreamlock reads the one you actually had →
What does it mean to dream of watching people fight?
You stand to one side while others fight, and can't or won't step in. Miller's 1901 dream dictionary read watching a fight as squandering time and money, for women a warning against slander and gossip, and hearing others quarrel as disappointing business. Psychologists often read it as conflict you witness but don't own: a family tension, a workplace feud, or two parts of yourself pulling in different directions.
What does a fight dream mean psychologically?
Psychologists generally read fight dreams as conflict seeking expression. Freud saw in dreams the place where feelings we push away during the day return in disguise, and anger is one of the feelings most often pushed away. A person who never argues awake may argue fiercely in sleep, and wake shaken by it. That does not make them secretly violent. It makes them human.
Who you fight with is usually the most useful detail. A partner or parent points to closeness under strain; a friend to loyalty tested; a stranger to a part of yourself you have not yet met. How the fight goes matters too. Winning often comes in periods of growing confidence, while losing, or being unable to strike at all, tends to come when you feel powerless or unheard. The Golden Wheel's habit of reading quarrels by contraries has a modern echo: a dream fight can release tension so that the waking relationship feels lighter afterwards.
A question to sit with
What would you say to the person in your dream if you knew it would not start a fight?
Miller can tell you what a quarrel meant in 1901. He can't tell you why you argue with your sister only in dreams, or why the fights come back every time work gets hard. That pattern only appears when your own dreams are kept together. Dreamlock, on the App Store for iPhone, is a private dream journal built for it: it listens to your dream, paints it, and remembers who you were fighting with.